JHOP-San Diego

peace runs deep, deep in Him.

i can breathe. oh so deeply. today feels different, today feels unlike any other day. ah, yes, today, i feel like i can breathe and bathe in the depths of grace and peace so deeply. oh the joy and restoration that comes from my Papas shalom.

bless you all this day.

God is on the throne. what a glorious day.

s h a l o m.

the {song of songs} five:two-eight

I sleep, but my heart is
awake;
It is the voice of my beloved!
He knocks, saying,
"Open for me, my sister, my
love,
My dove, my perfect one;
For my head is covered with dew,
My locks with the drops of the
night."

I have taken off my robe;
How can I put it on again?
I have washed my feet;
How can I defile them?
My beloved put his hand
By the latch of the door,
And my heart yearned for
him.
I arose to open for my beloved,
And my hands dripped with
myrrh,
My fingers with liquid myrrh,
On the handles of the lock.

I opened for my beloved,
But my beloved had turned
away and was gone.
My heart leaped up when he
spoke.
I sought him, but I could not
find him;
I called him, but he gave me no
answer.

The watchmen who went about
the city found me.
They struck me, they wounded
me;
The keepers of the wall
Took my veil away from me.

I charge you, O daughters of
Jerusalem,
If you find my beloved,
That you tell him I am lovesick!

undone.

I need Jesus.
I want Jesus.
I have to have Him.

its not an option anymore, I've tasted and I have seen; He is good. So good.
I have to have more. Its this desire, this craving for Him; and He always satisfies but leaves me hungry for more. a paradox? yep.

I'm a mess right now. my heart is in shambles and full of pain. my mind is more confusing than sound. and did I mention that I'm completely broken? ah. I'm in this complete valley. and often times it takes all of my strength to stand and say that I love Him even when I don't feel like it. But praise God His grace is sufficient and that it doesn't depend on my own strength. Nor does His worthiness of praise depend on my feelings.

I'm learning to not be offended by Him.

I'm learning the necessity of not being tossed by the winds of circumstances. but being rooted and grounded in His truth.

I'm learning that God isn't offended by my tears and pain and anger and frustration and sadness and lamenting and brokenness and absolute brokenness. He doesn't stop being faithful even when I am faithless. He doesn't look at me like I'm some crazy, over emotional, nagging woman. Oh, but that a broken and contrite heart He does not deny or despise. He looks at me, my mess and all, and is peering at me with His eyes of fire.
I'm learning that I need Him more than anything else. and besides Him, I desire nothing on earth.

I've been pondering......

I have been, we have been, created to be friends of God.

wow. and not only that, but the same power that rose Christ from the dead, lives in me, lives in us.

How is this affecting the way that I live?

I am broken, but my goodness, He receives me and revives me and loves on me.

ever just needed to be loved on? and ministered to?

yeah. me too.

He is closer than our skin. 

praise God.

shalom.